Back Again for the First Time

Today nosotros're going to be talking about one of the most important things for you to know, learning exactly what to text an ex for the start time after a breakup.

This article is going to teach you three main things.

1. How the no contact rule interacts with your first contact text message
2. What your goal should exist in your showtime texting interaction with your ex
3. Texting with the HIDE method

Let's begin.

Where Does The No Contact Rule Fit In?

We teach a item strategy at Ex Boyfriend Recovery and over on my YouTube aqueduct.

It's called the no contact rule.

Stop me if you've heard this or seen this earlier,

For the uninitiated the no contact rule is defined as a menses of time where you deny your ex any contact at all.

But how does that fit into texting?

Well, the mistake I run into most people making after a breakup is that they immediately want to set up things.

In other words, they text their ex the very start opportunity they become which causes quite a few issues and generally yous dig yourself into a hole when information technology comes to re-attraction.

Then, rather than just texting your ex after a breakup and hoping to win him over, we recommend a period of No Contact where you're basically ignoring your ex on purpose for anywhere between 21, 30 or 45 days.

If yous're curious every bit to why that is the timeframe I recommend I recorded an entire podcast episode about it here,

What this all means is that you lot are non going to exist texting your ex at all until that No Contact period is over.

This might audio counterintuitive or even a bit mean…but information technology'south a proven strategy.

If yous want to know more than most the No Contact Rule and how and why it works, I have lots of manufactures here on the site and lots of videos roofing it on my YouTube channel.

Don't even think nearly texting your ex until y'all've successfully completed your No Contact period!

And then, how practice y'all text an ex once that No Contact period is over?

What are you supposed to say?

Well, the offset matter you should e'er do is first prepare a goal.

The Goal Of Texting Your Ex After A Breakdown

What is your goal?

Well, that's what this video is going to teach you,

A lot of people like to make a little too much out of the goal hither and say "I want to win my ex back".

That's your overall principal goal, but you're probably not going to reach it with ane text message.

I similar to continue information technology uncomplicated.

Your goal is nothing more than to have a positive interaction with your ex.

Sounds easy, correct? You've had multiple positive interactions in the human relationship, after all.

But it's a fiddling more difficult in these circumstances, especially if you've implemented a No Contact Dominion and ignored them for those 21 to 45 days. They tend to be a fiddling sore nigh that fact!

So how do you handle the interaction?

What do yous say?

Well, that's where nosotros really get to the meat of this article.

You lot're going to be using a special method, the HIDE method.

If you follow this to a T, you're going to have the best hazard of having that positive interaction after the No Contact Rule.

Allow'due south dissect the Hibernate method.

What Is The HIDE Method?

The hibernate method is an acronym I came up with after being asked past clients what the all-time type of text message to send an ex after a breakup was.

Just put information technology stands for,

• H- The Hook
• I- Interests
• D- Develop
• E- End

If you're not confused I'd exist shocked.

Only don't worry, that'south why I'1000 here to help you.

H – The Hook

I of the more difficult aspects that women tend to struggle with when texting an ex is figuring out what to say.

Oftentimes they'll use a generic 'Hey' or 'What's up?'. Something like that doesn't tend to become an ex's attention, specially if you've used the No Contact rule. You lot need something much more juicy.

Information technology'southward all about hooking their interest and you're going to practice that with a concept we call the blueprint interrupt.

A pattern interrupt is annihilation that interrupts a normal pattern.

Your ex is almost expecting you lot to reach out and say 'hey what'south up' eventually.

You lot're not going to practice that. You're going to interrupt the norm.

Your goal is to send a text message to your ex and take him look at the message and do a double-take, because it's so interesting he just has to respond.

How do yous do that?

You need to say something interesting and shocking at the aforementioned time.

Hither are a few examples which clients have successfully used to go responses from their exes:

• "You're not going to believe what but happened to me."
• "I have a confession to make."
• "I have a problem and only trust you to help me solve it."

Or if you're more of a "text format" type of person.

These are all great examples of hooks where you're catching someone's attending. Your ex volition feel more curious and more than motivated to respond if you spark their interest similar this.

The last one is a great example because also as inciting curiosity, information technology paints you as a 'dryad in distress' – this appeals to an ex's male pride, as if he is the only one who tin help.

Only at that place'southward more to having a positive interaction with your ex than simply getting a response with a swell hook.

What are you going to say next?

This is where the I comes into play.

I – Cultivate Your Ex's Interests

If y'all've watched my YouTube channel so you've probably heard me say what I'thousand about to say a million times.

One of the biggest issues I see with people when they start texting once more is that they tend to send messages nearly something they are interested in, and not things that their ex has whatever interest in.

In that location's nothing that can kill a conversation faster than talking to an ex well-nigh something he doesn't intendance virtually.

Recall, your goal is to have a positive interaction with your ex for the first fourth dimension after the No Contact Dominion, and one of the best ways to practice that is by cultivating an interest of his and working information technology into your claw.

So, make a list of the things he's interested in – hobbies, projects, his piece of work, what he likes to watch Idiot box and motion-picture show-wise. Where he likes to get, where he wants to travel, what music he's into – anything and everything you can call back of.

Once you've finished your No Contact Rule period, you can check out his social media feeds and see what he's been posting about or sharing. The environment? Sport? Funny memes? Family stuff? Piece of work-related stuff?

Whatever information technology is, have note of information technology. He's interested in it – so you could employ it.

Try to think about ranking these interests. You were in a relationship with him, so you should accept some idea of what's nearly of import to him.

Then recall about how you could talk about these interests. What questions could you enquire him? What can he assist you with?

Exist aware that you should be asking for his opinions and for data you tin't get from a Google search.

It should also feel fairly natural to text him about whatever it is. If he knows that you lot straight-up hate the TV bear witness Friends, why would y'all suddenly text him near it, even if it'southward his favorite matter in the earth?

Then something where you might feasibly be a piddling bit interested is the best to choose.

Note that this is not the fourth dimension to talk about your previous relationship with him. Don't say 'Remember when we did this/planned this/saw this together'. You lot can mention places you went together, or something you watched together like a TV series, simply don't explicitly remind your ex of 'the good times' (or the bad!).

We telephone call these 'retention texts' and they come afterward in the process, when you have built a good rapport. For at present, merely keep it elementary.

There'southward a nice synergy to the Hide method. Everything is supposed to interconnect to aid yous go that positive interaction.

Let'southward say your ex is obsessed with a sure writer and the books this author writes. Permit'south also say yous didn't mostly care about this writer at all, but at present you've read some of their piece of work, considering yous were curious nearly why your ex was then into them. (Or, okay, simply so that you would have something to talk to him about!)

Or it's a musician, or a brand, or product. Whatsoever it is, you can employ this example as a starter.

You use the "I have a confession to brand" message.

Your ex responds, "What is information technology?" Or similar.

You reply, "I finally got around to reading a volume by Ten [your ex's favorite author]. It was amazing!"

At present yous've got your ex hooked into a conversation that interests him. So what are you lot supposed to exercise next?

Technically speaking, it's not been a really positive interaction until your ex feels satisfied with the conversation. So how exercise nosotros brand that happen?

Well, that'due south where the D comes into play.

D – Develop the Chat

So you've just texted your ex near their favorite author and the fact you've read something by them.

Hopefully he's replied and perhaps asked you which volume you've read, or why you decided to read that author.

Now information technology'southward time to bail over your shared experience.

You talk about moments in the book, moments you but can't get out of your caput, characters yous loved or hated, how amazing that description of such-and-such a place was. (Hope you paid attention in English class!)

Even if yous only read the volume considering your ex liked it, and y'all didn't enjoy it that much, you lot can find something to talk about.

The point is, y'all need to seem enthusiastic. For a positive interaction, he needs to match that excitement, which he tin can only exercise if you're creating a satisfying, interesting chat.

One of the things I would recommend yous do, especially if you are struggling to decide what to talk nearly with this book (or music, or whatever information technology is) is to employ your trusty friend Google to see what others are proverb about whatever topic you accept chosen to talk about.

Bank check out Reddit likewise. Reddit has areas created past fans of almost everything. Look at how rabid the fan base is when they talk virtually specific moments in a volume. GoodReads is some other great site for all things volume-related.

People who bother to post their opinions on the internet are generally passionate well-nigh what they are discussing (whether positive or negative).

If yous can bail with your ex like real fans bond over the volume, or whatever else you want to bail over, it'due south going to develop the chat into something your ex is going to remember and really relish.

Mission accomplished.

But all proficient things must come to an end.

I big issue we come across with clients is that when they get this far into the HIDE method and get that positive interaction…they have a tendency to overstay their welcome.

They are then happy to talk to their ex, they keep the chat going beyond that point of satisfaction.

That's where the Due east part of HIDE comes into play.

E – End The Conversation.

You lot must end the conversation at the point where you are having a positive, satisfying exchange.

Get out him wanting more.

There is such a thing as the Peak-Cease Dominion.

Psychologists discovered some time ago that people call up experiences based on two points – the peak or the best function of the experience, and the end.

Don't believe me?

So by catastrophe the conversation at the acme or the highest point of interest, y'all're going to proceeds the maximum benefit.

Simply what is the peak of the conversation?

It'south the best function of the conversation, when yous recall, yes! He'south enjoying this, so am I!

The descent from the top comes when you showtime to accept to search for something to say. So far you lot're all tingles about how great it's going. He's engaging with you lot and the conversation is fun, or at least interesting.

Simply when yous start to take to think about it also much (although of course this whole process is nerve-wracking!) that's a sign.

And if he doesn't respond in his usual timeframe, that'south another really skilful sign that his interest is waning.

Yous might however have things to say, but y'all can relieve them.

If the conversation thus far has been a good 1, quit while y'all're ahead.

And even if it'due south not been every bit amazing as you lot'd like, you lot demand to recognize where that summit in the conversation is for him, not you, and exit.

Notation that for the kickoff text, you don't want to have a long conversation, and you lot should stick to i topic. This is all part of leaving him wanting more, and making certain you don't outstay your welcome.

But what's a keen manner to stop the conversation?

Should you lot just abruptly end it and stop responding? Well, that'due south one manner to do it, but it's probably better if you use a more mature approach.

Have something happen that gives you a style to end the conversation.

You could say, "Oh, I forgot, I've got something in the oven! I'll have to go." Or, "My gym buddy is here, got to go now!"

It'southward best to brand this something interesting every bit well – telling him you're going to the gym is more impressive than, "Oh, I have to go exercise my laundry."

Telling him you're going to the gym with a buddy is even better, because he'southward going to wonder who that buddy is…

You lot can even utilise something work-related which makes y'all audio busy and of import: "I'm being called back into a coming together, I need to go."

Those ways of ending a conversation are a flake less abrupt than just cut information technology off, simply if y'all do want to get all out, just end the chat by not responding.

This might exist an option if the chat hasn't gone also as you wanted and he's been a flake less than positive, especially towards the end.

And so that's what to text your ex for the first time.

Merely the HIDE method as well works well for subsequent conversations.

It actually is i of my favorite approaches to that all-of import showtime interaction with your ex after No Contact, just also equally you lot go along to message and build rapport.

Ever recall to hook him in, talk most his interests not yours, develop the conversation into something satisfying, then cease the exchange before that satisfaction level drops.

If you keep to do this, your ex will enjoy talking to you again, and he might even get-go initiating the conversations.

You lot volition exist one footstep closer to getting him back.

Thanks for getting to the end of this article! I promise you enjoyed reading about the HIDE method.

There are loads more than manufactures on the site to help yous with every pace of the procedure of getting your ex dorsum, and don't forget my YouTube channel as well.

If you need clarification on anything, just leave me a comment here – it'southward really important to me that I know more so I tin can assist y'all, and I try to answer as many comments as I can.

And call up, if you want to figure out your chances of getting your ex back, take the free and elementary quiz hither on the Ex Fellow Recovery site.

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Source: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/texting-an-ex-for-the-first-time/

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